"Just because you are losing doesn't mean you are lost."
I don't know if "approaching" is the right word to use but I'll use it anyway. I'm approaching adulthood and its intimidating as hell. I'm caught up in my dreams, ambitions and desire to pursue them. This "approaching" phase of adulthood messes with the head to another extent. You feel conflicted, apprehensive and doubt yourself at every step of the way. You question yourself if you have what it takes to accomplish your dreams. However its comforting to know that you are not alone in this...most of the people at this age tend to feel lost and directionless. Its sort of like a mandatory feeling demanded from this age. Its depressing to be uncertain and unaware of what the future holds for you but there is no way out of it.
The conventional consoling would be "Think hard and figure your shit out at all costs" but it just seems so exhausting. Its cumbersome to wreck your brains into something where the beginning and the end is oblivious to the person itself. I keep asking myself questions which instantly tosses my world upside down because I am deeply uncertain about its answers.
As humans, we have a strange compulsion to have everything figured out and turn the uncertainty into certainty. Truth be told life can never be certain. Who's to say that any single thing in your life might not change in an instant? It needs efforts to let the human mind adapt to the uncertainty for its own sanity.
I think its the fear of failure that drives most of us crazy, especially me. Its a wrong notion I have in mind but I am working on it. Jordon Belfort has rightly put forward, "When you do something, you might fail. But that's not because you're a failure. It's because you have not learnt enough. Do it differently each time. One day, you will do it right. Failure is your friend." I am trying to live by this.
Maybe its okay to not have everything figured out. What's the worst that could come out of it? Its not the end of my life and neither is the world coming to an end. I simply just don't have things figured out. But that doesn't mean I don't have dreams to accomplish. I am certain that I will accomplish those ambitions but uncertain about the way I will. That's okay! Its scary and it feels like you are stuck in a hell hole but that's the point of it. Eventually you will get out of the hell hole but it takes time. I am going to have alot of meltdowns like these but that's the part and parcel of life. My parents have gone through this, they didn't have anyone and they came out of it pretty darn well so its my time to go through the same.
Life is a never ending mystery and we need to learn to be okay with it. This is just the beginning to another chapter and eventually we will reach the concluding para of it and begin to write the next chapter. Its a vicious cycle. At this stage we are the eagerly enthusiastic crawling babies, trying to walk without any support. Eventually we will!
"For what it's worth: its never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're a proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again"- F. Scott Fitzgerald
